Post-Christmukah Stress Disorder

The gift-giving holiday season is nice. Yes. Okay, we all agree.

I'm really glad it's over. I think that makes me a complete asshole, but seriously...I hate kids. I have to be around a bunch of kids whenever it's the holidays. Whether it's at work, out in public, with the family; whatever. Kids kids kids kids everywhere. Stop poppin' them out, everyone. Most people making them lately wouldn't pass my friend Halley's thorough exam to attain rights to utilize their reproductive organs. In fact, I will make this a shorter post, and outline her plan.

Please note that this idea was originally conceived by my friend, and I am just expanding on it and giving it a tangible definition.

The way she, and later I, put it together is this:

There will be a test. It will be like the SATs, but all about how to be a decent human being and consequently an even remotely acceptable parent. It's not going to be insanely difficult or anything, because the results will not be the deciding factor for anything important like entrance into colleges, just the right to use your ovaries or sperm.

It will be set up just like the SATs, though, because kids really stress out about those things. We don't want to make it too easy, either, because then it will be pointless. The art of making this particular test work will lie in making it hard enough to weed out the completely innate morons and the people who would be more detrimental as parents than as - well - not parents. Please don't get me wrong - there are a lot of people who are just made to be parents. They're instinctive, they're caring and loving, and they have stable, committed homes to welcome a child in to. Trust me, this test would be geared directly towards seeking out those individuals and separating them from the 16-year-old girls who just need to have a baby because they feel like they have no other purpose in life or they just know their boyfriend-of-the-moment just loves her to pieces and would make the best baby daddy ever. Or from the women on welfare with six kids already who only keeps getting pregnant because she's too lazy or unable to access birth control, and she has the kid because she either cannot afford an abortion or doesn't support it or believe in it or what-have-you.

I come off sounding like a complete asshole. I do realize this. I'd like to get a point across to everyone before they start reading my blog as regularly as it is updated, thinking that I am a blindly optimistic, happy-go-lucky person. I'm not. I have a tendency to be pessimistic and I am constantly skepitcal. It has nothing to do with my personal self-esteem or my past or other things people commonly blame anything not-positive in a person's life on. It's really based just on my observations and things I know. I'm a smart person, and it's not just me saying that. There is a serious problem with people having kids that they aren't equipped to take care of. the social and foster care systems are overcrowded, and welfare handouts are at one of their highest peaks in a while. Combine that with massive layoffs thanks to outsourcing overseas, and the heightened state of unemployment, and you know there isn't money flying around right now. I could go on spouting what could only be called platitudes at this point; the nation is in a deep, deep deficit, the current president is driving us further into the ground, yattah yattah yattah. I'm sure you've all heard it all before anyway.

I just want to close by saying that maybe next time you think about having unprotected sex, and you're an unemployed high school dropout who lives with his/her parents and isn't even sure that his/her partner will not be incarcerated/killed in a drive-by/leave you when they find out they may be a mother or father...think twice. It's for the children.

Happy new year, folks. Make it a safe and healthy one.