The gift-giving holiday season is nice. Yes. Okay, we all agree.
I'm really glad it's over. I think that makes me a complete asshole, but seriously...I hate kids. I have to be around a bunch of kids whenever it's the holidays. Whether it's at work, out in public, with the family; whatever. Kids kids kids kids everywhere. Stop poppin' them out, everyone. Most people making them lately wouldn't pass my friend Halley's thorough exam to attain rights to utilize their reproductive organs. In fact, I will make this a shorter post, and outline her plan.
Please note that this idea was originally conceived by my friend, and I am just expanding on it and giving it a tangible definition.
The way she, and later I, put it together is this:
There will be a test. It will be like the SATs, but all about how to be a decent human being and consequently an even remotely acceptable parent. It's not going to be insanely difficult or anything, because the results will not be the deciding factor for anything important like entrance into colleges, just the right to use your ovaries or sperm.
It will be set up just like the SATs, though, because kids really stress out about those things. We don't want to make it too easy, either, because then it will be pointless. The art of making this particular test work will lie in making it hard enough to weed out the completely innate morons and the people who would be more detrimental as parents than as - well - not parents. Please don't get me wrong - there are a lot of people who are just made to be parents. They're instinctive, they're caring and loving, and they have stable, committed homes to welcome a child in to. Trust me, this test would be geared directly towards seeking out those individuals and separating them from the 16-year-old girls who just need to have a baby because they feel like they have no other purpose in life or they just know their boyfriend-of-the-moment just loves her to pieces and would make the best baby daddy ever. Or from the women on welfare with six kids already who only keeps getting pregnant because she's too lazy or unable to access birth control, and she has the kid because she either cannot afford an abortion or doesn't support it or believe in it or what-have-you.
I come off sounding like a complete asshole. I do realize this. I'd like to get a point across to everyone before they start reading my blog as regularly as it is updated, thinking that I am a blindly optimistic, happy-go-lucky person. I'm not. I have a tendency to be pessimistic and I am constantly skepitcal. It has nothing to do with my personal self-esteem or my past or other things people commonly blame anything not-positive in a person's life on. It's really based just on my observations and things I know. I'm a smart person, and it's not just me saying that. There is a serious problem with people having kids that they aren't equipped to take care of. the social and foster care systems are overcrowded, and welfare handouts are at one of their highest peaks in a while. Combine that with massive layoffs thanks to outsourcing overseas, and the heightened state of unemployment, and you know there isn't money flying around right now. I could go on spouting what could only be called platitudes at this point; the nation is in a deep, deep deficit, the current president is driving us further into the ground, yattah yattah yattah. I'm sure you've all heard it all before anyway.
I just want to close by saying that maybe next time you think about having unprotected sex, and you're an unemployed high school dropout who lives with his/her parents and isn't even sure that his/her partner will not be incarcerated/killed in a drive-by/leave you when they find out they may be a mother or father...think twice. It's for the children.
Happy new year, folks. Make it a safe and healthy one.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Just Passing Through
It turns out that I am the single worst gift-wrapper on the planet. Not only am I not able to wrap gifts, but I'm not able to find a way to make them even remotely presentable in any other way. Now I will agree that this fact would tend to further the stereotype that lesbians are basically boys in girls' bodies. However, at this very moment I'm really feeling like maybe I am a boy trapped in a girl's body; I'm hormonally-charged, I have been making bad decision after bad decision regarding the girls I've been dating, and I am completely unable to wrap any sort of gifts. Even the flat/cubicle rectangular kinds. It's just that bad.
With that being said, I'd like to wish all of the very few readers a very happy and healthy whatever-you-celebrate, and I hope very much that you and yours find peace and happiness in the new year.
That being said, see you all in 2007!
With that being said, I'd like to wish all of the very few readers a very happy and healthy whatever-you-celebrate, and I hope very much that you and yours find peace and happiness in the new year.
That being said, see you all in 2007!
Sunday, December 17, 2006
No Gays in Historical Literature: Take Two!
For those of you who followed my old blog, you may remember the post entitled "There Are No Gays in Historical Literature, and Other Lies We Tell Children" or something witty like that. For those who did not, I will sum up as best I can without going into yet another rant.
I had a professor this past semester who openly did not like me. He taught a freshman seminar that I got stuck with because CNU hates me, and it was basically World History I for people who didn't even go to high school. I kid you not, one of the opening questions one day was "Who knows where Greece is?" Oh, I do. I've seen a map once. Call on me.
Anyway. We read several historical texts, including both fiction and nonfiction. One of the texts we read was the "Pearl Poet's" "Sir Gawain and the Green Knight." It's medeival, and written in epic prose, which I really do not like when written in classical English of a non-Chaucer (Canterbury, of course) dialect. It's a folktale, basically, so no one gets credit for writing it, per se. It just kinda gets passed around like STDs in the honors freshmen dorms on campus. I brought up the suggestion of underlying sexuality, more specifically homosexuality. He went on a rant because he's an Italian Catholic and there is NO way that there could be suggestions of homosexuality in ANY historical literature, because homosexuality didn't even exist then. Or something really inane and clearly incorrect like that. I brought Beowulf, which the professor himself had brought up earlier to compare literary styles (uhh, the only English major in the class would like to say something -- oh, and ps, she's extremely intelligent and knows more about literature than the professor ever will -- anyway, just because they are written with the same structure, does not make them the same literary style. I know it's hard to grasp, so just accept it and stop trying to wrap your pea brain around it. kthx.). He threw a shit fit, and said that although he did not actually finish the book, he knows there could not have been homosexual undertones. Right, dude. Beowulf straight up macking on a guy is totally not homosexual. You got me there. Moving on.
Long story relatively shorter, he hates me because I constantly speak my mind instead of doing any work for the class or actually reading any of the texts. I can skim and pretty much get the point. I beast his exams unless he tricks me by putting stuff on them that I didn't know because I skipped the class in which we talked about it. That's beside the point. The point is, he hates me, and although he vehemently denies it, he totally gave me a D+ as a final grade because he didn't like the bias lean in my final paper. Of course, he told us to have a bias lean. Don't get me wrong. I did what I was told; he just didn't like it.
The moral of this post is that, well, fuck conservative universities. I can't believe this guy has been working under CNU for like a billion years (seriously the dude was alive for Pearl Harbor. I'm just saying.), because I can't believe that he hasn't had a single loud-mouthed Yankee liberal/homosexual/Jew/other minorities that I am that he can pin on me. Seriously. There are more of us than one would think. There are a lot of homos at CNU. Granted, they're mostly guys and mostly closeted, but that doesn't make them any less flamingly gay. There are...well...okay, there really are not many Jews at CNU. There might be like six or seven others. You got me there, CNU. There is, in fact, a Campus Democrats group, but they don't make their meetings publicly known because they don't want no lynchin' on they hands.
Look, Dr. M. Don't be mad just because I have mad skillz for acing exams about books I didn't read closely. Don't be mad because I have mad skillz for writing really well, all the time. Just be mad that I made more than half of our section of your ULLC100 class completely lose respect for you, because you tried to shut me down and I straight up pwned you.
I had a professor this past semester who openly did not like me. He taught a freshman seminar that I got stuck with because CNU hates me, and it was basically World History I for people who didn't even go to high school. I kid you not, one of the opening questions one day was "Who knows where Greece is?" Oh, I do. I've seen a map once. Call on me.
Anyway. We read several historical texts, including both fiction and nonfiction. One of the texts we read was the "Pearl Poet's" "Sir Gawain and the Green Knight." It's medeival, and written in epic prose, which I really do not like when written in classical English of a non-Chaucer (Canterbury, of course) dialect. It's a folktale, basically, so no one gets credit for writing it, per se. It just kinda gets passed around like STDs in the honors freshmen dorms on campus. I brought up the suggestion of underlying sexuality, more specifically homosexuality. He went on a rant because he's an Italian Catholic and there is NO way that there could be suggestions of homosexuality in ANY historical literature, because homosexuality didn't even exist then. Or something really inane and clearly incorrect like that. I brought Beowulf, which the professor himself had brought up earlier to compare literary styles (uhh, the only English major in the class would like to say something -- oh, and ps, she's extremely intelligent and knows more about literature than the professor ever will -- anyway, just because they are written with the same structure, does not make them the same literary style. I know it's hard to grasp, so just accept it and stop trying to wrap your pea brain around it. kthx.). He threw a shit fit, and said that although he did not actually finish the book, he knows there could not have been homosexual undertones. Right, dude. Beowulf straight up macking on a guy is totally not homosexual. You got me there. Moving on.
Long story relatively shorter, he hates me because I constantly speak my mind instead of doing any work for the class or actually reading any of the texts. I can skim and pretty much get the point. I beast his exams unless he tricks me by putting stuff on them that I didn't know because I skipped the class in which we talked about it. That's beside the point. The point is, he hates me, and although he vehemently denies it, he totally gave me a D+ as a final grade because he didn't like the bias lean in my final paper. Of course, he told us to have a bias lean. Don't get me wrong. I did what I was told; he just didn't like it.
The moral of this post is that, well, fuck conservative universities. I can't believe this guy has been working under CNU for like a billion years (seriously the dude was alive for Pearl Harbor. I'm just saying.), because I can't believe that he hasn't had a single loud-mouthed Yankee liberal/homosexual/Jew/other minorities that I am that he can pin on me. Seriously. There are more of us than one would think. There are a lot of homos at CNU. Granted, they're mostly guys and mostly closeted, but that doesn't make them any less flamingly gay. There are...well...okay, there really are not many Jews at CNU. There might be like six or seven others. You got me there, CNU. There is, in fact, a Campus Democrats group, but they don't make their meetings publicly known because they don't want no lynchin' on they hands.
Look, Dr. M. Don't be mad just because I have mad skillz for acing exams about books I didn't read closely. Don't be mad because I have mad skillz for writing really well, all the time. Just be mad that I made more than half of our section of your ULLC100 class completely lose respect for you, because you tried to shut me down and I straight up pwned you.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Please Keep to the Right
Urban Dictionary defines agitprop as "A portmanteau pairing of the words “agitation” and “propaganda,” usually used to describe media productions (posters, books, movies, music, etc.) designed to instill pro-system thought patterns into those who consume them...Agitprop can be pathos (emotion) based, logos-heavy, (logic) or even a combination of both. It works both the high and the low ground. Regardless of the form it takes, the ultimate goal of agitprop is the production of pro-state thought and action."
Wikipedia adds that "In the western world, agit-prop has a negative connotation. In the United Kingdom during the 1980s, for example, socialist elements of the political scene were often accused of using agit-prop to convey an extreme left-wing message via television programmes, theatre and even children's books. However, in a more general sense, a television cartoon might be described as 'agit-prop' if it could be interpreted as a marketing ploy to sell toys. The term is frequently used in the modern Russian language to describe information provided by mass-media, if it is considered to be pro-government and biased."
I'd guess many, if not most, of you readers are wondering what made me name my blog Agitprop for Idiots. After all, you're probably saying to yourself, Julia is a liberal independent living in 21st century America. You're right; I am. I saw the tail end of the Cold War, and I've never been able to call myself an affiliate of the Communist or Soviet parties. Bear with me, gentle readers.
I've started this blog not to re-kindle the Red flames or get goose-stepping back in style. No, no. I've started this blog as an outlet for my partisan explosions, which are not only unwelcome at the university I attend, but often not even comprehended.
As this is my first official post since the deletion of my last blog, T is for Trashed, I will not go into extensive detail. Instead, I will simply outline the situation that has driven me to creating a blog in the first place.
I'm a college student at a relatively small university on the Virginia peninsula. Most public high school students in the Commonwealth (yes, folks, Virginia is a Commonwealth, not a state) will probably know the university of which I attend pretty early on. That is really of no concern to me. Go on, try and stalk me. The place is so boring I could use some excitement.
I'm easy to find on the campus of Christian Nutjob University (one of the many humorous variations of the school's initials). Look for the miserable double-majoring, upper-middle class lesbian Jew. I'll be the one with the permanent look of misery on my face. The causes of my misery are plentiful but mostly not even that bad. It's more the quantity of the problems, not the quality. You dig?
Conservative Nimrod U has many fantastic qualities. For starters, they accept pretty much anyone with a pulse and a valid ID. This was not their original intent, but after hiring such bright and shining individuals to work in the admissions office, some people were admitted that were to be put on the wait list. I was accepted "Early Decision," and yet I never even received a letter. Instead, I received a phone call mid-July (after I'd already accepted another university's offer, but that's a whole other bitter, bitter story) with a flustered man informing me that they'd misplaced my file, but congratulations! I was accepted early to CNU. Early, as in late. Fantastic.
I do not want to be at CNU. I never have, and never will. I am transferring at the end of this year, but as it is only winter break right now, that means I have a whole other semester in which I will go insane without the outlet of a blog (this one? why yes!) to share the idiocy of this place with people in the outside world.
I will start the anecdotes in the next post. However, I have much more napping and inane tasks to be completing here in good old DC suburbia. Keep your eyes on this thing, though. You never know what treats you'll be bombarded with.
Love and ulterior motives,
Julia
Wikipedia adds that "In the western world, agit-prop has a negative connotation. In the United Kingdom during the 1980s, for example, socialist elements of the political scene were often accused of using agit-prop to convey an extreme left-wing message via television programmes, theatre and even children's books. However, in a more general sense, a television cartoon might be described as 'agit-prop' if it could be interpreted as a marketing ploy to sell toys. The term is frequently used in the modern Russian language to describe information provided by mass-media, if it is considered to be pro-government and biased."
I'd guess many, if not most, of you readers are wondering what made me name my blog Agitprop for Idiots. After all, you're probably saying to yourself, Julia is a liberal independent living in 21st century America. You're right; I am. I saw the tail end of the Cold War, and I've never been able to call myself an affiliate of the Communist or Soviet parties. Bear with me, gentle readers.
I've started this blog not to re-kindle the Red flames or get goose-stepping back in style. No, no. I've started this blog as an outlet for my partisan explosions, which are not only unwelcome at the university I attend, but often not even comprehended.
As this is my first official post since the deletion of my last blog, T is for Trashed, I will not go into extensive detail. Instead, I will simply outline the situation that has driven me to creating a blog in the first place.
I'm a college student at a relatively small university on the Virginia peninsula. Most public high school students in the Commonwealth (yes, folks, Virginia is a Commonwealth, not a state) will probably know the university of which I attend pretty early on. That is really of no concern to me. Go on, try and stalk me. The place is so boring I could use some excitement.
I'm easy to find on the campus of Christian Nutjob University (one of the many humorous variations of the school's initials). Look for the miserable double-majoring, upper-middle class lesbian Jew. I'll be the one with the permanent look of misery on my face. The causes of my misery are plentiful but mostly not even that bad. It's more the quantity of the problems, not the quality. You dig?
Conservative Nimrod U has many fantastic qualities. For starters, they accept pretty much anyone with a pulse and a valid ID. This was not their original intent, but after hiring such bright and shining individuals to work in the admissions office, some people were admitted that were to be put on the wait list. I was accepted "Early Decision," and yet I never even received a letter. Instead, I received a phone call mid-July (after I'd already accepted another university's offer, but that's a whole other bitter, bitter story) with a flustered man informing me that they'd misplaced my file, but congratulations! I was accepted early to CNU. Early, as in late. Fantastic.
I do not want to be at CNU. I never have, and never will. I am transferring at the end of this year, but as it is only winter break right now, that means I have a whole other semester in which I will go insane without the outlet of a blog (this one? why yes!) to share the idiocy of this place with people in the outside world.
I will start the anecdotes in the next post. However, I have much more napping and inane tasks to be completing here in good old DC suburbia. Keep your eyes on this thing, though. You never know what treats you'll be bombarded with.
Love and ulterior motives,
Julia
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
