No Gays in Historical Literature: Take Two!

For those of you who followed my old blog, you may remember the post entitled "There Are No Gays in Historical Literature, and Other Lies We Tell Children" or something witty like that. For those who did not, I will sum up as best I can without going into yet another rant.

I had a professor this past semester who openly did not like me. He taught a freshman seminar that I got stuck with because CNU hates me, and it was basically World History I for people who didn't even go to high school. I kid you not, one of the opening questions one day was "Who knows where Greece is?" Oh, I do. I've seen a map once. Call on me.

Anyway. We read several historical texts, including both fiction and nonfiction. One of the texts we read was the "Pearl Poet's" "Sir Gawain and the Green Knight." It's medeival, and written in epic prose, which I really do not like when written in classical English of a non-Chaucer (Canterbury, of course) dialect. It's a folktale, basically, so no one gets credit for writing it, per se. It just kinda gets passed around like STDs in the honors freshmen dorms on campus. I brought up the suggestion of underlying sexuality, more specifically homosexuality. He went on a rant because he's an Italian Catholic and there is NO way that there could be suggestions of homosexuality in ANY historical literature, because homosexuality didn't even exist then. Or something really inane and clearly incorrect like that. I brought Beowulf, which the professor himself had brought up earlier to compare literary styles (uhh, the only English major in the class would like to say something -- oh, and ps, she's extremely intelligent and knows more about literature than the professor ever will -- anyway, just because they are written with the same structure, does not make them the same literary style. I know it's hard to grasp, so just accept it and stop trying to wrap your pea brain around it. kthx.). He threw a shit fit, and said that although he did not actually finish the book, he knows there could not have been homosexual undertones. Right, dude. Beowulf straight up macking on a guy is totally not homosexual. You got me there. Moving on.

Long story relatively shorter, he hates me because I constantly speak my mind instead of doing any work for the class or actually reading any of the texts. I can skim and pretty much get the point. I beast his exams unless he tricks me by putting stuff on them that I didn't know because I skipped the class in which we talked about it. That's beside the point. The point is, he hates me, and although he vehemently denies it, he totally gave me a D+ as a final grade because he didn't like the bias lean in my final paper. Of course, he told us to have a bias lean. Don't get me wrong. I did what I was told; he just didn't like it.

The moral of this post is that, well, fuck conservative universities. I can't believe this guy has been working under CNU for like a billion years (seriously the dude was alive for Pearl Harbor. I'm just saying.), because I can't believe that he hasn't had a single loud-mouthed Yankee liberal/homosexual/Jew/other minorities that I am that he can pin on me. Seriously. There are more of us than one would think. There are a lot of homos at CNU. Granted, they're mostly guys and mostly closeted, but that doesn't make them any less flamingly gay. There are...well...okay, there really are not many Jews at CNU. There might be like six or seven others. You got me there, CNU. There is, in fact, a Campus Democrats group, but they don't make their meetings publicly known because they don't want no lynchin' on they hands.

Look, Dr. M. Don't be mad just because I have mad skillz for acing exams about books I didn't read closely. Don't be mad because I have mad skillz for writing really well, all the time. Just be mad that I made more than half of our section of your ULLC100 class completely lose respect for you, because you tried to shut me down and I straight up pwned you.